(Disclaimer: this tale is a fictional parody of real events. No animals were harmed in the writing of it.)
Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a dashing Handsome Prince, with hair as black as night and eyes that sparkled like the stars. The love of his life, the beautiful Princess Sofie, was gentle as a dove with a heart filled with kindness and grace.
They wed in a mystical ceremony where the winds sang, the sun shone and the earth danced. They mounted his gallant Black Stallion, a magnificent creature filled with celestial power, and headed for a wonderful life in the heart of the nation.
Together, they ruled CanaDuh, a land of lush forests and shimmering blue lakes.
Under The Handsome Prince’s reign, the folk of CanaDuh rejoiced, living happy and prosperous lives while harvesting the rich bounty of the land.
But, as the years passed, a Strange Darkness fell upon The Handsome Prince.
Evil counsel whispered in his ears and the sinister claws of the evil Klaus Squab wrapped around The Handsome Prince’s heart. It squeezed tight until he turned his back on the light and embraced The Darkness.
Seduced by his own dark desires and surrounded by evil counsel, The Handsome Prince squandered CanaDuh’s resources and wealth on a quest for personal glory, a coveted seat on the Council of All Nations.
The wise leaders of other lands, offended by his insolence and vile disregard of their customs, beliefs and clothing, rebuffed The Handsome Prince and denied his quest.
Yet through it all, his folly grew. He set up a corrupt foundation that pretended to help the youth, but it was fraught with scandal.
His reign became a growing cascade of calamities as he bestowed CanaDuh’s riches on his friends and crushed the honest livelihoods of his subjects.
And then The Handsome Prince’s heart hardened to stone.
He turned against his subjects, taxing them out of business and into poverty.
The poor turned to hunting and fishing to feed themselves and their families.
But The Handsome Prince’s treachery against his subjects knew no bounds.
He denied his subjects access to the forests, rivers, and lakes so they could no longer harvest food.
Famine and pestilence overtook the land while The Handsome Prince cavorted with his wily acolytes.
With those Evil Advisers at his side, The Handsome Prince embarked on a campaign of cruelty, disarming his subjects, laying waste to their homes, decimating the estates of widows and driving the poor into the abyss of hunger and hopelessness.
In this age of darkness and despair, a new and even more troubling betrayal unfolded.
The Handsome Prince abandoned Princess Sophie for the alluring and dark Princess Melanie, with whom he danced, cavorted and had a joly good time.
Princess Sophie was devastated. Not only had The Handsome Prince rejected her, but he also ruined the beautiful country she loved, all so he could feed his Dark Desires.
Princess Sophie fled to the Enchanted Lake Estate with her children, where she foraged for food with her trusty – but banned – .22 rifle, feeding her own children and those of hungry strangers across the Estate.
There, she discovered a brave Rebel Alliance who strived to keep their freedoms alive.
The people loved her, but The Dark Prince’s hatred grew.
To protect herself from his evil henchmen, Princess Sophia adopted the guise of Princess AR.
She turned her back on the tyrannical Handsome Prince and joined the Rebel Alliance.
And so began the long fight for freedom.
From this strife, a new leader arose – The Wise Prince Poll.
Prince Poll joined the fight to oust The Handsome Prince and return their beloved country back to its former glory, with a common-sense government and rational laws to make the great country safe.
With courage, valor and wisdom, Prince Poll challenged the tyrannical Handsome Prince and rallied the people to his cause. His polling numbers shot through the roof.
Songs of hope filled the air, and The Handsome Prince’s power waned.
Prince Poll banished The Handsome Prince from the land, a disgraced ruler who abandoned Princess Sophie, his children, his name and even the majestic Black Stallion (who sometimes acted in movies) for his own Dark Desires and those of the dark Princess Melanie.
Under the rule of The Wise Prince Poll, CanaDuh flourished once more. The land bloomed, the people thrived, and joy returned to the hearts of all.
And so, the story of CanaDuh became a tale of redemption and renewal, a testament to the strength of virtue and the triumph of courage and righteousness.
The Princess Melanie ran off with the Handsome Prince and died of a broken heart.
Princess Sophie stayed with her children and the magical Black Stallion and died of a broken pelvis.
And the people of CanaDuh lived happily ever after.
The End.
“Preaching to the Choir”